For Those Who Can't Forgive Themselves
by Laser Lance 720
Summary: Albus had always had the best intents at heart. He was to soon learn in a cursed cave on the outskirts of nowhere, that the road to Hell was paves with good intentions and the crawl to madness was no place for forgiveness. Written for Quotes For All Occasions Challenge.


Harry Potter J. K. Rowling. Not me. Understand? My name is not Rowling. It is Rogers. I know, similar letters, but not the same.

I have done a bit of digging to make sure I get any little tidbits right. If you do spot anything that is incorrect, please let me know. I like accuracy and being precise (hence the tendency to research), so if there are any slip ups, I ask that you help me correct those.

An important thing to remember is that this is done for the _Quotes for All Occasions Competition_ by Cheeky Slytherin Lass, over in Harry Potter Fanfiction Challenges. There is a link to the competition on my profile if interested in checking it out. But I was given a quote; chosen from the forgiveness category, and was directed to write something based off of it -quote is provided below- and this is what I came up with.

I hope you enjoy and feel free to leave your opinions at the end.

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**"Forgive yourself for your faults and mistakes and move on." –Les Brown.**

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There were many things Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore had learned through his life, as well as many things he wished he'd learned much sooner than had. He had always prided himself in his intelligence and how perceptive he proved to be. His humanity, morals, and sympathy were his greatest attributes, yet when twisted by his obscure ideas of what was right, they proved to be far more dangerous that he had ever foreseen.

This is where his greatest regrets lie. He had always tried to do what he thought right. Through the long years of his life, and every mistake he made along the way, he at least could comfort himself at night knowing that it all had been done with the best intents. The road to Hell was paved with good intentions, and Albus knew that he would soon have to relive each of those as he made his way down into the darkness of death.

But it was alright, because as the man downed another swig of the poisonous liquid, he accepted what was to come. He had known for a long time that he would met his end, and with all those he had lost along the way, it was only right that his name be etched into a grave along with theirs.

Memories of his seventeen year swarmed his mind instantly. He fought them off.

With each drink he took, he found himself drifting further and further into the past. Pain ran through his body forcing him to grip the basin and close his eye, but it was nothing compared to the past he would have to face. He took another cup full, and another. Halfway through his fourth drink, he stumbled and crashed onto the ground. The pain from the collapse didn't requester in his mind.

"Professor Dumbledore?" The voice belonged to someone he should know, but in his delirious state, Albus didn't recognize it. "Can you hear me?"

"I don't want… Don't make me…" He continued to plead to the strange voice beside his ear, begging him to remove the memories fighting to enter into his mind. The voice promised that it would give him something to stop the pain, that it wasn't real. A liquid was shoved down his throat, causing the memories to fight harder, and him to plead louder. He screamed, the doorway to his mind fully destroyed.

Albus was lost then to his horrid memories. He didn't requester where he was, the voice pleading beside him, or his own voice begging for release. In that moment he was seventeen, reliving his greatest mistake. The mistake he would never forgive himself for.

It had seemed right then. Like all things in Albus's life, he had believed himself to be in the right during those few months. The great intelligence he prided himself in, had failed to see the flaws of the dark path he was setting himself off. Corrupted all too easily by the charming neighbor with the brilliant ideas for a better world, Albus had thought that it was all an honorable doing. He had wanted to make a better world. A world were his sister Ariana would not have to be hidden and sheltered for both her safety and that of those around her. _The Greater Good_. It still burned in Albus's heart each time he thought those words.

The Greater Good. That had been the first of his mistakes. The anger of a seventeen year old boy; frustrated with a brother who cared less of what he said, a sister who was too shattered to leave the house, a mother who had recently passed away on them, and a father who had long since died in Azkaban for his attempts to right the injustice done to his daughter. It had all been too much, and it was no wonder he fell straight into the arms of Gellert Grindelwald.

Those first few weeks had been amazing. It was nice to have someone he matched his wit and intelligence. It was reliving to have found someone who shared his same views of power and change as he did. For the first time since his mother's death, and being forced to take over the family, Albus had felt like he had found his place in the world.

Ariana's care had taken a backseat as he and Grindelwald planed the new Wizarding Order. It didn't matter at first, how much his attention had slide away from caring for Ariana. Aberforth was more than willing to look after their younger sister, and Albus wasn't going to argue over it. He was doing it for her, to give her a world where she wouldn't have to stay hidden. A world were her existence wouldn't have to be kept a secret because of some Secrecy act set up to protect the very Muggles who had destroyed her in the first place.

Of course, Aberforth hadn't had the same views on the situation as Albus. He was never as ambitious and determined as Albus was. He never strived for excellence and exceed all expectations like his elder brother. He was content with living his life the way it was, trying to make Ariana as comfortable as possible. But Albus had bigger plans. He wasn't just going to give her comfort, he was going to give her freedom. The freedom she never had. Aberforth hadn't seen it that way.

"_You need to give this up!" _Aberforth's voice was as angry and crystal clear in Albus's mind as it had been that day in the late summer of 1899. He had come storming in, a wiry and angry teen ready to set his elder brother and his friend into their places. _"All of this Greater Good shit!"_

"_Shut up."_ Grindelwald had shouted back. At the rip age of sixteen, his voice was booming and deep with anger. _"You know nothing of what we are doing!"_

"_We are doing it for her."_ Albus had pleaded. _"For Ariana!"_

"_Like Hell you are!" _Aberforth hadn't backed down. Hearing his voice ripping through his memories, Albus sobbed heavily and he pleaded for the voices to leave.

"I swear it isn't real…" there was that strange voice again, telling lies, "take this, now, take this…" and forcing liquid down his throat.

"_You aren't doing this for her!"_ Aberforth's voice cut through the unfamiliar one, much louder now. _"So stop trying to pretend you are."_

"_How could you-"_

"_If you cared, you would focus on her instead of yourself. You can't take her with you, you know that right? You keep talking about heading out, gathering a following, but you can't take her with you! She's in no fit state, you can't move her, and I won't be here to watch out for her when you are out searching for your power and fame. So don't act like you're doing this for her, because you and I both know better. This is about you and your glory."_

"_That's not-"_

"_Like Hell it is, Albus!" _Aberforth's voice echoed off the inside of Albus's skull. _"All of this, all of this Greater Good is about you! You're searching for that glory again. Did you finally realized you won't get an award or recognition for watching after your half-mad sister and disobedient young brother? Did you realize they don't hand out trophies for keeping her from blowing up the house every other day?"_

"It's all my fault, all my fault." Albus heard himself muttering. His eyes locked on the unfamiliar green pair beside him, and he begged. "Please make it stop, I know I did wrong, oh please make it stop and I'll never, never again…"

"_You don't understand you stupid little boy!" _Grindelwald's voice took over his mind. _"Merlin, Aberforth, how dense can you be? Don't you understand what we are trying to do? Don't you understand what we could achieve? She'd never have to be hidden again! She could be free! We'd change the world. Bring the Wizard's out of hiding. Put the Muggles in their place. It was them who did that to her. Those Muggle boys. Your father got put in prison because of them. Your sister is crazy because of them. They don't deserve to run about like they do, while we have to hide ourselves. While you have to hide your sister."_

The voices in his mind grew too loud for Albus to decipher as he clutched his head in pain and fear.

"_So you think you should rule over them? You can't be buying into this shit, Albus!"_

"_That's enough brother!"_

"_It is not enough, because you clearly aren't thinking straight! You're too busy thinking of all these changes and achievements that you aren't seeing what's in front of you! Do you not see your own sister? All of this is driving her even more unstable than she already is! If you love your family, if you really love your family, you'll give this up Albus! Give it up! Stop listening to this sod and pay attention to your family!"_

"_Aberforth-"_

"_We are all you have left! You need to choose. Us, or the arsehole you've been letting lead you around!"_

"Here, drink this, drink this, you'll be all right." The strange voice sounded as despite as Albus felt.

"_Aberforth… you can't expect me to choose just like…"_

"_I can and I am! If you continue this, I am taking her! I am taking Ariana away where she will be safe. He doesn't care about you or her. He's just using you to make his sick fantasies come true. Grindelwald only cares about himself! How can you not see this Albus! You are smarter than this. Smarter than him!"_

"_You stupid boy, you don't understand what you are getting in the way of. I knew your brother was dense, Albus, but I didn't think he was this thick. Maybe I should beat some sense into you, boy!"_

Without thinking, he took the offered cup, believing that it would silence the voices.

"_That's enough Gellert. I think you should leave."_

"_What? Albus-"_

"_You do not threaten by brother, Gellert."_

"_So that's it, Hu? Just like that? After everything we've worked for! Everything we've tried to achieve? Just like that? We were going to change things! You and me. Find the Hallows. Masters Death. Change the world!"_

"_What does he mean by that, Albus? Masters of Death? Please tell me he's joking?"_

He downed the liquid, feeling it burn the entire way down. As soon as the liquid reached his stomach, Albus fell forward pounding his fists into the stone ground. Eyes shut, he could visualize the scene he was hearing in his mind.

"_I am not joking you stupid boy. And you should not interfere in maters that don't concern you. I have half a mind to hex you right here, simply so I won't have to listen to your chatter."_

"_What is wrong with you, Gellert? You need to leave right now."_

"_We were going to rule! We were going to stop hiding! To stop cowering behind our fear of those bloody Muggles. We were going to take our place as rulers."_

"_We were going to help Ariana!"_

"_By become Gods! I have told you this, time and time again Albus! Without having to hide from the Muggles, she would have been free. No more hiding. No more cowering in fear of being discovered. No child would ever have to hide their magic in fear of being seen again. Your sister would have been free."_

"_At the cost of how many people? Think about this Albus!"_

"_I think you both need to shut it. Gellert, I have asked you to leave and I would appreciate it if you did so."_

"_I am not leaving Albus. Not until you listen to me."_

"_Brother please-"_

"_I am not listening to either of you right now."_

"_You heard my brother. Leave or I'll make you leave Grindelwald."_

"_I'd like to see you try Abe. Crucio!"_ The word, coming from the lips of Grindelwald was accompanied by Aberforth's screams of pain.

"Please, please, please, no… not that, not that, I'll do anything…" Once more, Albus watched as his brother withered on the floor in pain from the curse.

"Just drink, Professor, just drink…" There was that voice again, urging him to drink. He drank, unsure why as the moment the liquid passed his lips, the voice grew louder and he pleaded further.

"_Stupefy!" _Aberforth's screams were cut silence as Albus's spell his home. _"Aberforth! Brother! Are you alright! Talk to me! Abe?"_

"We're nearly there, Professor. Drink this, drink it…"

"_Abe! Answer me!"_

'_I'm fine Albus."_

"_Damn you Albus! How dare you attack me? Crucio!"_

"I want to DIE! I WANT to die!"

"_Protego! Get Ariana! Get out of here!" _

"Make it stop, make it stop, I want to die!"

"_No! I won't leave you brother! I came in here to get you! I won't leave you! Even if that means I have to kill him myself!"_

"Drink this, Professor! Drink this…"

Albus drank.

"_So that's it then? A fight to the death? You two really think you can take me. Fine. Who's first then? Albus? Aberforth? Which one of you want to die first!"_

"_Confringo!"_

"_Protego!"_

"_Avada Kadava!" _

"_No more fighting!"_ Her voice was so soft, melodic and angelic. Ariana's voice brought her face into Albus's mind. Soft and round, at fourteen, she was small and petite. Her brown eyes were lite with the flashes of deadly hexes being tossed between the trio she stood feet from.

"_You've lost your mind Gellert!"_

"_Please! No more fighting!"_

"KILL ME!" He screamed at the green eyed boy who hovered over him. He pleaded, wishing for it to end. He knew what was to come.

"_Avada-"_

"_Avada-"_

"_STOP!"_

He could already hear his sister's screams when the room would explode around her. He had already once seen her drop sideways onto the glass covered floor, her eyes growing dim and fading into death. Aberforth's cries would mask Gellert's retreating footsteps as he fled from the scene; Albus too shaken up to move to stop him.

"_This is your fault Albus!" _

"This- this one will!" The strange voice called. "Just drink this… It'll be over… all over!"

"_She's gone."_

Albus reached for it, gulping it down as quickly as he could. It burned the entire way down, as if he had attempted to swallow a newly lit flame. Draining every last drop of the liquid, Albus fought for air in lungs that couldn't seem to find enough. He gasped for air, the action rattling his lungs, before falling forward onto his face. The green eyed boy was there, pulling him up until he was in a swaying sitting position.

"No!" The boy pleaded, shaking Albus as if to wake him from a sleep. Protesting, and wishing for death to take him there, Albus refused to open his eyes. He wanted it over. He wanted to paint to stop, and despite the fact that it was all slowly fading, it wouldn't go fast enough. Ariana's frozen brown gaze clung to his focus as long as it could, cutting away at everything Albus had left.

"No, you're not dead, you said it wasn't poison, wake up, wake up- _Rennervate_!" A surge shot through his chest like a bolt of lightening. Ariana's face, and Aberforth's cries vanished from his mind. His body stopped burning, only ached heavily. "Rennervate- sir- please-"

Albus's eye lids creaked open, and he spotted the green eyes quickly. Fear and desperation clung to Harry's gaze. "Sir- are you-?"

"Water," Albus croaked, unable to say more. Harry was gone from his side, moving back towards the basin. As Albus sat there, he kept his eyes locked on the decay of his hand.

He would never forgive himself for that day. He could accept his fault in the matter, there was no way he could deny it. It may have been his spell that hit her, may not have been. It didn't matter, it was his fault. It was all his fault, and it had always been. He would never forgive himself for that day, and he would never be free to move on from it.

He only hoped that wherever Ariana was, she could at least forgive him. He had, after all, had her best interests at heart.

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I would like to take this second to apologize. I am terribly sorry for this. I hadn't planned on this detailed, but after starting to work on this, I figured go big, or go home. So I tried for as big as I could go. Hope you enjoyed anyway.

Places I pulled information from for this are as such:

* _The Life and Lies of Albus Dumbledore_, by Rita Skeeter; Deathly Hallows, chapter eighteen: _The Life and Lies of Albus Dumbledore; _p350-62, softback addition

* Deathly Hallows, chapter twenty-eight: _The Missing Mirror_; p554-70, softback addition

* Half-Blood Prince, chapter twenty-six: _The Cave_; p 555-78, softback addition.

Between these three chapters I pieced together how I imagined how the two scenes; reality and Albus's memories, would mesh. Along with those chapters, I must make reference to a fan-made movie that I took inspiration from:

_*The Greater Good-Harry Potter-Dumbledore and Grindelwald_. Broad Strokes, .

If you wish to watch; which I highly recommend, than search for it on YouTube, or I can send you a link via PM. But I recommend you watch it.

I hope you enjoyed reading this, and I hope I fulfilled my quote properly. My first take on doing a forgiveness quote was going to be something with Hermione and Draco (as those two are my babies, as well as my fall guys for writing. I am clinging to Draco too much and wish to break away from the normal characters I use). So, Albus was picked up to take the hit for the team this week. It worked out well for me, I enjoyed this a lot more than I would have my original idea.

Besides, I kind of wanted to poke at Albus for a bit. I am not trying to be cruel to him. I love the old man, but he is human, oh so very human, and like all others, he is flawed. Extremely flawed and I think we forget that a lot. I mean, look at him later in the series. The way he manipulates everything into falling how he wishes. The way he throws Harry into this war and pretty much knows the boy will have to become cannon fodder in order for Voldemort to die, but goes along with the plan anyways.

And think of what all his Gryffindor praising does to those poor little Slytherin babies. I mean, most of the school already thinks that they're heartless, backstabbers who got branded with Dark Marks the moment they were born, Albus did not help. I mean, he took the House Cup from them. He gave Harry a hundred points for breathing (Neville earned his points though). Slytherin worked hard to gain all those points, especially since the only teacher who I can really remember ever giving Slytherin actual points is Snape. Albus took all of their hard work and shoved it back in their face. "You worked hard for those points Slytherin, too bad. A hundred points to Gryffindor for the fact that Harry Potter is still breathing!"

I apologize once more, I did not mean to have a two paragraph rant. But I feel you Slytherins. We at Hufflepuff understand your problems and love you. At least I do. I can't really speak for all of Hufflepuff, but I think most Hufflepuff's will side with me and love you. I mean, we are the house that kills with kindness after all.

Now, I am going to end this because it is already three in the morning, I am reaching 4,000 words, and I haven't eaten for several hours. I don't know what time I will upload this, probably after I have eaten and slept at least a few hours.

Once more I must state that all material and content of Harry Potter is owned by J. K. Rowling and Warner Bros Studio. This is non-profit, and for the enjoyment of fellow fans of Harry Potter.


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